Posted by: Nick Walters | July 11, 2013

Daft Punks: Random Access Mammaries

Daft Punks

Daft Punks at the mixing desk entertaining the residents of Kaldor

Daft Punks are a pair of dancing billionaire French robots called Twiki-Detoo Aristo-Bleep de Casioviare and 7-Zut Alors-7. They were made to star in the Black Hole but were rejected for being too Gallic. Bof! So they formed a band, originally called Daft Spunk, but their manager C3PO-C30C60C90 persuaded them to move the S to the other end of the word in order to appeal to the mass market.

Since 1983 they have had a string of top ten singles including Sexy Robot, Dance Droid, Sexy Dance Robot, Robot Sexy Droid, Droidy Sexy Dance Robot and There’s No-One Quite Like Grandma. They pioneered the music video by producing the world’s first colour music video in  1984 to their biggest hit Sexy Dance Robot Dances The Polka, from their seminal album Bleep Bleep Blip Bleep Blip Boing! Fizzz.

Random Access Mammaries is Daft Punks’s 20th album and they show no signs of powering down. Lead single Dance Robot Dance has had so much airplay that tens of thousands of people across the world have committed suicide rather than continue to be exposed to it. Follow-up single Robot Dance Droid (Sexy Mix) is tipped to become the new French National Anthem. Aristo-Bleep and Zut Alors-7 have been crowned Kings of Dance and Disco and Mr Gay Universe 2013. Their intergalactic megatour takes in not only this planet but Metebelis 3, Thoros Beta, Florana, Varos, Tatooine, Zircaster and pre-Time War Gallifrey. Quite simply, Daft Punks are the biggest stars in the entire known universe.

So what of the album? It’s utterly fantastic, of course! Daft Punks have enlisted the help of some of the greatest musical talents on the planet to produce it: Chas and Dave, Shakin’ Stevens and Del Amitri all feature, and there are stunning vocal performances by Shane McGowan and that woman out of Back to the Planet, whatever her name is. (But not Mark E. Smith – he told them to Fuck Off).

The longest and most amazing track is Jive by Bunny, in which seminal dance music auteur Jive Bunny relates, in a mesmerising monologue over a musical backdrop of samples ripped off from every fucker ever, how he arrived at his current position of eminence on the dance music scene.

Elsewhere, there are morose electro-ballads sung in a voice which sounds like a dying Cyberman, camp showtunes set to beats harking back to the 1950s, and dazzling 1970’s style disco groovers that will have granddads and grandmas up out of their bath chairs and onto the dance floor like if they was all young again! It all culminates in the final track, the apocalyptic Giant Robot, in which Daft Punks completely redefine not only dance music and not only music but the very fabric of the universe itself. Quite simply, this is the best dance music album ever made. Except for those by Jive Bunny, of course – he’s the shizzle.

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