Posted by: Nick Walters | January 9, 2011

New Year Resolutions

New Year Resolutions are boring: lose weight, eat better, exercise more, give up drink/smoke/drugs, save money, dull, dull DULL! Here are some much more exciting suggestions for you to try!

Some breeze blocks yesterday



Adopt a Hippo
It might be a tight squeeze if your house is somewhat on the bijou side – but imagine the fun and frolics!

Learn to Fly
Not in an aeroplane or a helicopter, but, by yourself, just like Superman! The sky’s the limit!

Collect Breeze-Blocks
The world record for the largest collection of breeze-blocks is 2,225,500 by Mr Bhougremious Fpoon of Ulan Bator. See if you can beat him!

Stalk Sting
It would be worth the jail time just to see the glint of worry in his smug little eyes.

Smile at everyone you see
Go on, spread the joy! But it won’t be long before someone punches you in the face!

Learn Pi to 3 million decimal places
And be able to recite it at will. Be the life and soul of parties!

Adopt a crazy new diet
Prunes and rice washed down with grape juice? Offal and sheep’s eyes steeped in seawater? Ten week old tuna sandwiches? Be creative!

Get rid of all your technology
Plasma screen TVs, laptops, digital cameras, i-Phones, i-Pods, i-Pads, i-Pity you. Do you really need all that junk? No! JUNK the junk! Give it all to charity (but first tell me which charity shop you’ll be taking it to).

Change your wardrobe
Because you look boring. Spanish Conquistador? Chicken costume? Nun? Spacesuit? Nudity? It’s up to you – go mento!

Conquer the Galaxy
A little ambitious? Maybe. But once you have your band of loyal followers, an army of killer droids and a fleet of intergalactic battle cruisers, it should be a doddle!


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