Posted by: Nick Walters | November 27, 2009

The Return of POOT!

This lunchtime I was FLABBERGASTED to see a NEW ISSUE OF POOT! on sale in the newsagents!

This blast from the past hit me like… well, a blast from the past.

For those who don’t know – and that’s probably almost everybody – POOT! was a very cheap, very crude, delightfully sick Viz-type publication which flourished briefly in the late 80s.

It was, if you will, the Tizwas to Viz’s Swap Shop.

Characters included:

The Cabbage Kid – he pretented to be in a coma but would exact revenge on his foes.

Billy Blind – he really was blind and got into hilarious scrapes. He had a mate called Derek Deaf. We’re talking subtle observational humour here, of course.

Hank E. Wankie – pre-pubescent onanist, he once blagged his way into a sex shop, only to be chucked out and told to try Donald Duck Magazine instead; his classic riposte: “Can you wank to it?”

Young Fred Crombie the Undead Zombie – a rather cute “Dennis The Menace” style zombie who was always slaughtering people and getting into trouble. Best moment: working at Burger King and being sacked for serving a customer a piece of his own face. “What did I do?!”

Desmond Hoo – my favourite – the Boy Who’s Mad About Doctor Who (Or He May Be Just Mad). His companion was Cherry Lips the inflatable doll and his TARDIS a wardrobe. Biting satire of fandom.

Short Fat Ugly Bald Stupid Man – the worlds crappest superhero.

Sven the Sax, Winston the Cuddly Christmas Pudding, and Nigel the Orange – a talking saxophone, Xmas pud and orange whose infantile, scatalogical, obscene antics enlived many a dull lecture.

And other minor works of genius like The Man of A Thousand Faeces and Michael Gorring – He’s Different In Every Drawing.

Ahh those were the days!

The issue I picked up was the second issue of this new run, and contains some reprints (understandable as these would be fresh to a new audience) but also new stuff, including a new Desmond Hoo which looks exactly the same as it did all those years ago although NOW in colour!

Their sick sense of humour hasn’t deserted them as one of the new characters is Bunk Bitch Billy:

Billy’s doing a ten year stretch in a tough State Penitentiary. And the emphasis is on penit…ration. Look, we’re nice people really. We just have a rather twisted sense of humour. Anyway, Billy’s favourite joke: “TV quiz question-master: ‘What do new prisoners traditionally say to their cell-mates on the first night?’ Contestant: ‘Gosh, that’s a hard one.’ TV quiz question-master: ‘Correct!'”

The website doesn’t mention the original run so effectively they are starting again.

This has made my day!

Yag yag baggle snurf!



  1. If you like Desmond, Nick, then why not pick up a copy of issue one? it has a Pootiful colour double page spread of our time travelling hero (and Cherry Lips) – Desmond’s out attacking wheelie bins…who he thinks are Autons (bless him poor chap). Drop me a note!

    Love and cuddles

    Sven and the gang

  2. And why not join our group on Facebook?

    Sven xxx

  3. Oh I fully intend to do both!

    But please bring back The Man Of A Thousand Faeces.

    And Popular Paul – that was some sweet, cruel shit.

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