Posted by: Nick Walters | August 18, 2007

She’s BACK!

She got me again last weekend.

On Saturday I set out for Bath, along the Bristol/Bath Cycle Path, a habitual route of mine and a nice 30 mile round trip that I don’t have to think about much – just there, and back.

She must have been studying my cycling habits as, sure enough, she was waiting for me, on the first bridge past Bitton Station.

As I crossed the bridge I noticed someone wobble out from the side and keep pace with me. I was going slowly as there are always loads of people on that bridge and they sometimes cross over it without looking.

I glanced curiously and suspiciously at my new and unasked for cycling companion – it was the Anti-Cycling League woman!

She was riding a knackered old boneshaker that squeaked and groaned alarmingly, clearly screaming out for oil, and whose original colour was lost under decades of rust, dirt and grime. She was wearing a bright orange tracksuit, green trainers and a motorcycle helmet. But I could tell it was her – I’d recognise that manic grin anywhere!

“Well, well, well,” said I, slowing down so she could keep up with me, but ready to zoooom off at the first sign of danger. “This is a turn up for the books! You – on a bike? Whatever WILL the Anti-Cycling League say?”

She grimaced with the effort of cycling, and spoke between gasps for breath: “I – left them. Came over to your side. Want – to marry – you.”

Here we go again, I thought. “Well, you can’t, I’m already married”, I lied.

“THAT’S A LIE!” she shrieked.

I began to speed up.

“Wait!” she called. “You MUST marry me! It is ordained! My name is Belinda!”

I slowed down again. “Some coincidence,” I said, “’cos that’s what I rather sadly call my bike.”

“I know.” Her smile, despite the warm sunny Spring weather, sent a chill right through me. “I know EVERYTHING about you. Where you live, where you work, what you had for tea last night…”



“Oh. Well, that’s not hard to guess…”

“And I know that you are going to save the universe! And you have to DO THAT BY MARRYING MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

At that point I decided to zooom off, so I flicked up a few gears and left her a shrieking orange blob in the distance.

I was quite shaken. How did she know so much about me?

And when would we meet again?


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