Posted by: Nick Walters | April 30, 2007

Ten signs that you are a confirmed bachelor and will be for the rest of your “life”, what’s left of it:

1. You have never bought any new towels. You still have the ones your Mum gave you when you moved out of the family home.

2. The proprietors of the local curry house wave and smile at you when you walk past.

3. You no longer think of masturbation as a substitute for sex – it IS sex.

4. You no longer bother tidying and cleaning the house – not even the toilet – before you go out for the evening in case you bring someone back.

5. Television satisfies most of your emotional needs.

6. You bitch and bicker with your mates as if you’re an old married couple.

7. You no longer think of alcohol as a substitute for happiness – it IS happiness.

8. You no longer worry about or even notice your beer-gut.

9. You smugly congratulate yourself on having avoided children, because you are to all intents and purposes still one yourself and you would hate the competition.

10. You are free to do whatever you like at any time, but can’t be bothered to do anything except go to the pub and watch telly.



  1. Half of those apply to me, and I’m fucking married…

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